Nurseries for all ages?

Although segregation is supposedly illegal in this country, we practice it in churches on a regular basis.

Now let me begin by saying that I believe that dividing people up into age groups, interest groups, peer groups, or other purposeful entities, can be a productive way to conduct teaching at certain times and under certain circumstances. However, to arbitrarily remove our children from us for the simple reason that we don’t want to deal with them is not the way a family should operate. It’s a disgrace to our country, and it is becoming a disgrace to our churches. Parents want more before and after-school programs so they won’t have to be responsible for their children. They drop them off at day care at six in the morning and pick them up twelve hours later. Then we sit the little darlings in front of a trash-filled picture box for a couple of hours before chasing them off to bed. And we then wonder where we could have possibly gone wrong when they are left to find their own amusements, and they actually find some.

I’m getting more and more phone calls and questions asking if we, as a church, could possibly relieve parents of the responsibility of caring for their children. And for many people, the deciding factor on where to attend church will be whether they can avoid their children while they are there. Oh, we disguise this attitude by saying that we want the adults to be able to devote their attention to the service, but while we do that, some adults are not able to pay any attention to the service because they are tending other people’s children. Or we say that the children need to learn on their own level, when in reality they are probably so ill-behaved that they will not learn anything on any level. We are not concerned about doctrine, we scarcely have time for the gospel, missionaries need no support, and souls remain separate from salvation – just so long as we can remain separate from our kids.

Now, as I said, we do have instruction for age groups. We try to convince people to bring their children to our Sunday School, where they will be taught what it means to sit in a chair, to interact with other children without inflicting injury, to learn stories from the Bible that will make a difference in their lives, and to generally become somewhat disciplined and knowledgeable of the things of God. The purpose of these exercises is to make better church members – not keep the kids out of our hair. But there should be times when everyone is together. The word “church,” after all, means “assembly.” We thank the Lord for Sunday School teachers who are willing to put countless hours of thankless effort into the instruction of our children. Surely their reward will be great. But every adult that can possibly be in church should be there.

Church is a family event – or at least, it should be so. It was that way until a relatively short time ago, when someone got the idea that perhaps we could get more kids in church if we convinced the parents that we would relieve them of their parental responsibilities for a while and we would take their children to church while the parents stayed home and slept. Since the children garnered in such a fashion were completely unfamiliar with what went on in the church, we couldn’t just let them run wild in the services (we leave that to the “adults”). So we had to segregate them from the congregation and “Childrens’ Church” was formed. While it began in a relatively innocent fashion with charitable motives, it has now degenerated into an entertainment industry that has become an expected benefit of church attendance. The church members then began to think that discarding their children was a good idea, so they too could have some free time at the house of God. After all, we wouldn’t want to fall behind the world’s pace, would we? Each church must decide for itself if it’s resources and culture can support the requirements of each of its ministries. We have decided to be a family-oriented church, partly because we do not have the resources to do otherwise, but mostly because we believe that’s the way it should be.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, but when in church I sat there and kept quiet. Why? Because that’s what I was taught to do. Nowadays, we don’t teach anybody to do anything that they don’t want to do already. You can come as you are, get rid of your kids, believe what you want, and be entertained like everybody else. Adults never have to deal with children and children (perish the thought) won’t have to worry about conversing with adults. Many churches now segregate the younger among us all the way up through high school, and then wonder why they leave and don’t continue in the church. Could it be because they have never been a part of it?

This cultural phenomenon is simply reflecting what is going on in the country. Parents are spending less time with their children than ever before. Now look around at what’s happening in the country and ask yourself if this is a good thing. We desire to leave our children with day care workers, provide more before and after-school activities, and generally deliver the raising of our young to the whims of others. Then we wonder why our kids don’t listen to us. Do we pray with them, have devotions with them, try to inspire them to greatness, and show them we are interested in their lives? Or do we just make sure they have plenty of playthings, like we have, and don’t interfere too much with our pursuits.

There are many reasons why children should go to church with their parents. I will mention but a few.

1. Because they need to know that Mom and Dad are setting an example.

Moms and Dads should be the best examples to their children. They will be the most influential examples, whether they are the best ones or not. So we should try to do it right. They can’t see us if they are somewhere else. They can’t see us sing praises to the Lord, or shake our neighbor’s hand, or lead the congregation in prayer, or put our whole dollar in the offering plate. They need to be a part of the experience.

2. Because they need the “guidance.”

There is no better way to teach children to be quiet in church than to do it yourself. Yes, you may have to take them out of the service on occasion to apply some “correction,” but they will get the idea. I know, I know, I’m old-fashioned. But we raised five children and none of them stayed in a church nursery past the age of about six months. I had fifteen years of perfect attendance pins when I was a child, and we never had a nursery in the church where I grew up. I must hasten to add that the church was much stronger then than it is now.

3. Because they need to participate.

They need to understand what goes on in church. Youngsters can sing, can take up the offering, can hand out prayer lists, and do many other things to make them feel that they are an important part of the assembly. And they are. At the rate we are going, I’ll be surprised if smaller churches can exist at all in another fifty years. The church cannot compete against the world, and it was not created to do so. It was created to be separate from the world. It only takes one generation to lose the gospel. It only takes one generation to lose a church. If we don’t teach our children, we lose our future. Small churches will put themselves out of business trying to compete with churches that can have paid youth leaders, paid song leaders, paid musicians, and paid clowns (other than the preacher.) I can only find scriptural justification for providing a living for those engaged in the direct oversight of the assembly, but there are those who believe me to be doctrinally deficient, anyway.

4. Because they need to hear the word of God

For some reason, we have the idea nowadays that children need to be addressed on their own level, but Jesus knew nothing of such an idea. He said He wanted the little children to come unto Him – not the youth pastor. Children will learn more by listening to the same preaching as the adults than they will by having conversations with clowns and puppets. And they will grow up knowing what’s in the Bible. I have a daughter who was saved during a preaching service when she was five years old. She came in tears and trusted Christ as her savior. She hasn’t been the same since. It doesn’t take a special language to speak to a child – it takes the Holy Ghost.

5. Because they need to know that there are standards of right and wrong.

The same standards that apply to adults apply to children. If it is wrong for adults to lie, it is wrong for children to lie. They can hear the same directions, the same edification, the same doctrine, as the adults. Charles Spurgeon started preaching when he was fourteen. Nowadays, he’d still be in Childrens Church or the Young People’s Rock Band class. Christ expects the same thing from all His servants.

So when I get phone calls asking if we have “special programs” or “church” for the youngsters (translation – “I’m looking for a baby sitter. Are you it?”), I take great care to try to explain that yes, we have Sunday School that is divided up by age categories, but we believe that children need to attend church with their parents, and parents need to be the ones disciplining their children. Otherwise, we are just a big nursery for all ages.

Let’s face it. If your child is six or seven years old and still needs a nursery, maybe his parents need one. After all, when do they graduate and become real people?

DOC TRIN